Actual Conversations III

I suppose it’s a bit vainglorious to keep sharing these conversations my wife and I have, but since the entire blog is about my life, my eggs are in that basket already.  Hopefully, these little bits of our life amuse you as much as they amused us.

[While working independently, my wife at her desk, me on the couch under my laptop.]
Wife: “Can you turn on the TV?”
Me: “I don’t know where the remote control is.”  (I look around halfheartedly.) “Oh, it’s on my belly.”
Wife: “Wow, dear.”

[While driving home from having rented a movie about pregnant women.]
Wife: “You know I’m going to want to have a baby after this, right?”
Me: “You want to have a baby now, before the movie.  All that means is that you’re going to continue existing after the movie. Frankly, I’m glad we didn’t rent a movie that would destroy you.”

[While driving down a winding country road with twilight approaching.]
Wife:  “Can you turn on the headlights?”
Me:  “It’s not really dark enough.”
Wife:  “Please, I don’t like this road.”
Me: “Ok.”
Wife:  “Are they on now?”
Me:  “Yeah.”
Wife:  “I can’t see them.”
Me:  “That’s because it’s still day.”

[While eating dinner, when my wife tried to feed something I find disgusting to our daughter.]
Wife:  “Would you like to try some spinach cheese?”
Daughter: (pushes the spoon away emphatically)
Me:  “Good girl!”
Wife:  “Did you just praise her for that?”
Me:  “No, I praised her for something completely unrelated but which, coincidentally, happened at the same time.”

[While discussing our move to a new parish.]
Wife:  “It’s fun.  I have so many friends there that’s it’s like I’m going there to see them as opposed to going to see…”   (Pauses to think)
Me:   “God?”
Wife:  (Feels self-conscious and starts to cry)
Me:  (Panicking)  “On no!  I was kidding!  It was a good opening; you know I can’t pass those by!”
Wife:   “Maybe you should try!”

[While discussing a potentially difficult social situation.]
Wife:  “I’m concerned that no one has responded back to my e-mail.”
Me:  “It’s impossible to respond in any other direction.  Respond back is redundant.”
Wife:  “You should write a post about stupid things you shouldn’t say to your wife.”


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