Have you ever really considered whether or not you’re answering enough whimsical questions during the day? Lack of whimsical questions is a serious condition, one which is sadly ignored by much of society.
For too long now, a pernicious technical glitch has thwarted my efforts to help. Anyone who checked the Usual Poll often knows that it vanished suddenly in the middle of August. I’m happy to report that the glitch has been overcome. Below, please find polls for every single day missed.
I’ve actually assigned the dates purely for show. I devised the list this afternoon. As an added game, you can try to imagine the train of thought that strung these 22 questions together. (Don’t try too hard; my brain is a dangerous place for the unwary.)
17 August 2012
My polls vanished in the middle of Poll Poll week, my week of polls about polls. I thought it might be fitting to pick up where I left off. Then I got distracted.
18 August 2012
I’m something of a font snob, a vice which developed accidentally from poor eyesight. I rather naturally preferred the fonts I could read. Then I preferred certain readable fonts over others. Then I started debating hapless baristas about why my favorite font was better than the one on their signage.
That sort of progression happens to everyone, right?
19 August 2012
I’ve been wearing the same clothes for about twenty years. (Not without washing them.) I mean that my personal style stopped evolving a long time ago. If fabric didn’t eventually fall apart, and if my belly would stop responding to my diet of junk food and sugar, I would wear the same clothes until I died. Oddly, while I look fairly average now, I imagine that I would look more and more outlandish as the decades passed. Fashion is such a strange thing.
20 August 2012
My computer crashed again recently, which is quickly becoming an unpleasant motif. I can fix it most of the time, but I’ve started to realize lately that I sometimes fix problems I don’t understand with methods that might as well be magic. I’m like a trained monkey; I know what steps to try.
21 August 2012
The other day my wife confused me by giving me an array of diaper buying instructions. Our daughter has been in the same size diaper for almost a year now, so buying diapers is something about which I don’t usually need to think. Suddenly I found myself in the diaper aisle at our grocery store, flummoxed by the array of choices, and telephoning my wife for help.
22 August 2012
I listen to a lot of children’s music now, enough to notice that certain songs aren’t sung consistently enough for my tastes. How am I supposed to know which lyrics to sing?
23 August 2012
I’ve always been fascinated by space, or rather the stuff in it that isn’t just space. I saw an article recently about scientists getting to watch a distant planet disintegrate. The pictures were so cool that I entirely forgot to find the idea horrifying. Thankfully, none of our planetary neighbors is in the process of being destroyed, but they have other interesting features. Mercury’s crust is collapsing because its core has solidified, for example.
Please note that the following list intentionally omits Earth, even though I’m fond of Earth, but includes Pluto, because scientists are silly-heads.
24 August 2012
I like superhero stories, even though I’m a fan of God’s decision not to make superheroes real. Or, to put it another way, considering the diversity of activities of which human beings are capable compared to other living things on Earth, everyone’s a superhero.
25 August 2012
I bought flowers for my wife recently; I’m not sure what sort they were. They were pretty and had stripes.
26 August 2012
I’ve worked at three different bookstores in my life, so I’ve spent a lot of time shelving books. I’ve also worked on the stock crew at a grocery store. It’s possible that I’ve imported some of my tendencies for stacking canned food into the way I organize books.
27 August 2012
If you spend time with people who know Latin, especially people like me who tend to be ridiculous, you’ve probably had some sort of colloquial pluralization corrected. For example, you might have mentioned “funguses” only to be told that it should be “fungi.” You can tease these people by talking about walruses, because “walrus” looks Latin but is actually Germanic. They (the ridiculous people, not the walruses) will hate you for this.
And while I studied the etymology of the word “walrus,” I learned about Sea Otters.
28 August 2012
Sometime around eighteen months in age, human beings are supposed to discover how to walk backward. I really have no idea how to process that information.
29 August 2012
When I was a kid I learned that the colors in the rainbow could be memorized using the ugly but effective acronym, ROY G BIV: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet. I was aghast when I discovered that this isn’t common anymore, and isn’t accurate besides. Leave it to facts to destroy my childhood.
30 August 2012
I don’t generally like the sort of humor that my parents might call “toilet humor,” but the problem with being a stay-at-home dad is that my toddler and I frequently find ourselves in restrooms together. That can only happen so often before something funny happens, then I have to share it, because that’s what I do.
31 August 2012
Whenever I look at ancient art, I think about how amazing ancient parents must have been. They couldn’t just tell their rambunctious kids to sit down and color, because no one had invented crayons. How did that conversation go? “Here are berries and three sorts of mud made from animal fluids. Draw something nice on that rock over there.”
1 September 2012
I can only think of one thing that might induce me to watch the news.
2 September 2012
At least in my mind, Mr. Rogers (of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood) has ascended to nearly mythic status. He seems like a superhuman embodiment of patient, content, imaginative learning. I can imagine him walking through the grocery story and talking to grocers about different foods, but I can’t imagine him just shopping for groceries. That sort of activity seems too prosaic.
3 September 2012
Apparently in the early parts of the last century, the British government decided to study ocean currents by launching numerous bottled messages and tracking the specifics of their recoveries. One was recovered recently after 94 years. I wonder what that says about ocean currents.
4 September 2012
I’m a little bit sad that my daughter probably won’t get to watch the original Star Trek.
5 September 2012
It’s really difficult to look at my daughters many toy animals now that I’ve thought about them in taxidermic terms. Why do I do these things to myself? Ignore the macabre when answering the following:
6 September 2012
A new version of Microsoft Windows is supposed to launch soon, which is most interesting to me because of a shift in language that said launch brought to my attention. Computers used to run software, sometimes called “programs.” Particularly when that software advanced the needs of businesses, it might be called an “application.” Now, all of the articles I’ve read about Windows version 8 have exclusively referred to its software as “Apps.” Steve Jobs, I shake my fist at thee.
7 September 2012
Here are some pictures of my daughter.