Actual Conversations

My wife and I love each other, although we can be subtle about displaying it sometimes.  The most surprising part of that is that we’re nearly never subtle about anything else.

Here are some snippets of actual conversation.

[While discussing the rough draft of a post about linguistics and grammar]
Wife:  “You sound like a crazy person.  You don’t even know where it’s going.”
Me:  “I was going to write about the different parts of languages that I enjoy.”
Wife:  “Yeah….  I don’t think that’s going to be as popular as you do.”

[While discussing a picture of my wife from when she was a teenager]
Wife: “Do you think I look a lot older now?”
Me:  “Yes, definitely.” (Awkward silence) “Was that not the right answer?”

[While getting ready to run errands, after seeing the outfit I’d chosen]
Wife:  (Laughing too much to breath)
Me:  “What?”
Wife:  (Gestures for me to leave the room so she can recover.)

[While discussing why I don’t like watching people flirt]
Wife: “What about when I flirt with you?”
Me: “You flirt like a bumblebee getting squirted with a hose.”

[While my wife had a painful case of hiccups]
Wife: You should scare me to get rid of these hiccups.
Me:  (Suddenly)  Raaarrr!
Wife:  (Still hiccupping, and now also crying)  Why would you do that?!”

[While discussing my wife’s eye color and my inability to remember it]
Wife:  “We just talked about this last week!”
Me:  “I filed it in the section of my brain for things that don’t actually matter.”
Wife:  “What if I were kidnapped and you had to describe me to the police?”
Me:  “Would they be going around looking for eyes?”


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